The song of my summer so far ..

I get my dance on when the summer sun comes out.. heavy tune.

So Relapse dropped ..

.. any anyone who isn't a complete moron realised Eminem sucks beyond belief nowadays. Shock, horror.

To take away the pain of knowing that shit will still sell millions, I be bumping his old beef's classic.

Perfect date music 'n all.. candles, wine, bang this on in the background and you're getting laid.

I'm still bumming ..

.. Kingpin.

Dude is sick.


Image Hosted by

That's just how the troubles go ..

Inja. Sick man.

I'm now teetotal ..

.. for a week or two. Have to calm down with the drinking.

Not really for health reasons, more the fact that I'm a terrible drunk.. especially with women. Apologies all around when I wake up the next morning and read the abusive texts I receive and get told just what the fuck I was doing by my drinking partners the night before.

Sounds pretty typical really.. but the past few months I've managed to :

  • Get beaten up, knocked out cold and mugged by a gang of girls at like 4am, middle of nowhere. (First 'all-you-can-drink' experience).
  • Lost my wallet.
  • Lost my phone.
  • Given a girl a fat lip.
  • Jumped 5+ taxis.. and hitchiked home when no more would take me.
  • Slept in Marks & Spencers bins.
  • Sent abusive texts to some bird.. followed by the classic line "Fair play yeah, come to mine and I'll fuck you rough n nasty how you like it."
  • Almost got beaten up by some black dude, apparently because I said 'Oi.. are you gay?' out of the blue.
  • Got an £80 fine for pissing in a doorway.

& I've been out probably less than 10 times. Not good.

I blame the all-you-can-drink nights. £8, knocking back any drink all night.. wtf do people expect?

I would say they should be banned.. but then I couldn't afford to go out and be an idiot.. so for now, they're awesome.

Oh Mr Sooooooooft ..

Who remembers this advert for Softmints?

I think every true Brit over 20 does, and either had nightmares over it, or secretly longed to be Mr. Soft.

I still do the Mr. Soft walk every now and again.. and the song, still in my head after so many years. TREBOR FTW.

The Pooter

Dunno why but something as simple as farting is the funniest shit in the world. At least to me.. but then I'm pretty immature.

But whoopee cushions are so 90's. The Pooter, that's the future.

A genius called Jack Vale created it and has a running series on Youtube where he pranks people in public. Sounds pretty childish and kinda shit, but seriously.. watch.

This one had me in tears all morning.. watch the kids playing the game. BEST SHIT EVER.

I Need Money


I want hangovers again ..

What the fuck is with trading hangovers for feeling like some manic depressive, lost, retarded sub-human for a day or two after a good binge drink as you age?

It's not on. Fuck you body/God/brain/beer or whatever the cause is.. gimme back the pounding headaches, vomiting and toilet hanging of my youth anyday.

I've left my bed maybe for 3 hours since Sunday. Sleeping is about the only thing that's stopping me from cutting my wrists atm, and it's all beer's fault. Dunno why, but the past year or so.. I haven't had a hangover. Just this shitty depressive feeling for a day or two.

It's not like I've been drinking less or more maturely either. I still wake up in the morning, not knowing how the fuck I got home, usually to angry text messages from girls I know that I've either beaten up or tried getting on while they're sat with their boyfriend. £80 fines coming through the door randomly a week later for pissing on a tramp or something equally dumb but funny. (It'd be funny if it wasn't attached to a fucking fine anyway). & I've jumped so many taxis this past few months I'm struggling to get home from town half the time, running out of fresh victims.

So far from maturing and whatnot, I've been more of a drunken dickhead than ever before.

Which.. as I'm writing this.. might be the problem. Maybe I'm going too hard, too old.

God damnit, I wanna be 17 again. Fuck adulthood.

Hip Hop & Comic Books = DOPE.


Here's Part 1 also.. but Part 2 is my thing.