I should be a millionaire by now.


I came up with the worlds greatest idea yeaaaaaaaars ago. Get this. A pedal for your toilet seat. Like a pedal bin yeah, but for your loo seat.

Think about it. How many times have you had your girl moan at you for leaving the seat up? Think about the germs and shit you're getting on your fingertips when you lift the damn seat up for a piss.

2 markets cornered right thurrr. The hygiene & female markets = DOLLADOLLABILLSYO.

(Yeah, you could say you always wash your hands anyway after a piss.. but c'mon, how many guys actually do?)

It sounds stupid at first yeah, like when I would excitedly tell people about my idea and how it's gonna change the world, they'd initially think it was a joke and gimme a weak laugh, but then, as I built up to my cresendo of awesome their face would change into a mixture of awe and amazement coupled with 'Why the fuck didn't I think of that?'.

And so, why am I not bathing in Cristal and snorting coke off some models tits in a swanky mansion?

  1. I'm a lazy cunt.
  2. I'm a lazy cunt.
  3. Some not very lazy cunt patented the idea already.

Last year see, after watching Dragon's Den and American Inventor and seeing these retarded ideas get investments from those annoyingly smug rich bastards, I figured I'd finally change the world with my idea.

Market it, have every new house fitted with one as standard and live off the royalties forever. It would be as big as the microwave.

Then I actually stopped drinking/smoking and sneaking onto golf courses and looked up patenting my idea. Some other cunt already had.

Also, a few weeks later and I saw some guy present a similar thing to the judges on American Inventor.. and he got laughed off as a joke segment. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

A few have been made, but they've never caught on. Why? Because I'm not selling the shit is why.

I'm tellin' ya, it could change the world if it was in the right hands, I'm just a good few years too late.